Episode 03: A Life Poured Out
If I am not completely “possessed” by Jesus, then all other possessions will possess me.
Jesus was a life poured out for us.
Born to die. Lived only to give and be rejected. He lived to die.
I have found that in order to find life, even if it is only for a moment, I have to be willing to let go of something. It seems a constant trade off of the pleasantries or worries of this world that seem to stick to our hands like magnets, and when we realize it we have to constantly relinquish for the better fulfillment and hope that is found in our relationship with the Lord. As my good friend would say, “You simply cannot out give God.” I struggled with that statement when I was in the heat of throwing in the fire my most precious possessions because they had somehow turned into my everything, and now I had to choose once again to keep or do away with the idol. In the pain of saying goodbye to relationships I enjoyed and loved, so many other things I had to let go of, it was quite hard to think that there was a better ending with the pain involved. Our loving Father knew that we could never do what was fully required so He did it for us.
When I finally learned to search out His eyes, His face, every time I found myself in flames, I knew I could survive after all. For far greater than the pain of fire I felt in my heart or in my body, when I sought out His face in despair and desperation, and looked into His eyes—I found a fire greater than the fire I was suffering. Yet the fire in His eyes were so deep with the depth of a compassion like gazing at the deepest ends of the ocean. Fiery bright as though I was looking at the sun, and yet just warm enough to make me feel comforted by the knowing in His eyes. Yes, Jesus had been there too. He had been in all of these things. He may not have lived out my life exactly, but He had experienced with me the pain unique to mine. The most empathetic person out there is simply incomparable to the limitless emotional quotient of our Savior. He knows your pain too. Let your heart not be afraid to see the way that He looks at you. Sometimes we look to Him with eyes closed fully or partially without realizing we are still hiding in our shame or in our fear of a disapproving and condemning parent. Yet as many other things out there, there is defamation of the enemy wanting to keep us far from the Source of Life. For as long as we are deceived and think that we are always just good enough on our own, the enemy of our souls has the upper-hand in our lives. We are either desperate for Him, or not for Him at all. Only one side will win over us in the end despite the most innocent beginning and set of good intentions.
The prayer:
Jesus, take everything in my hands that I hold onto more than I hold onto you.
Jesus, take from my sight the things that I give more attention to than on You.
And everything in my heart that I treasure above seeking Your face— let them be consumed by your Holy Fire.
For if my heart is not on fire for you, all that is of eternal value in me will be consumed one day anyway. But if I am consumed by the fire of Your love, since you are an All-Consuming Fire, I know that I too will live eternally with You. And in Your presence there is fullness of joy. I lay all things at Your feet, and at the cross, for all of human righteousness are but filthy rags to You. You alone are the righteousness of God in Christ. To You alone, does glory in all of existence belong. In this, we are magnified when we choose to become your beloved, your sons and your daughters.
I take the invitation of Your Son to be completely and fully dependent on You alone. Most beautiful One of Heaven, the greatest joys on earth do not compare to the joy of being in Your Presence. Let this be a continual reality of everyday of my life.